There are indeed some people who are obsessed with sailing but I have never thought of myself as one of them. I enjoy it and I'm looking forward to the trip quite a lot, but lately I am starting to worry myself. I don't want to burn myself out on it before we even leave but I feel as though if I am not actually obsessed that I at least must appear to be so to the casual observer.
In fact I find that I am thinking about the boat or the trip or something related pretty much all the time these days. And the reason that I say I don't think I am actually obsessed with sailing is because it doesn't seem as if these thoughts are driven so much by desire as by necessity: there is just so damn much to think about. A thousand details, a hundred possible consequences ranging from having a less than pleasant outing to killing us both. It just seems as though it demands a lot of attention, particularly from someone who hasn't actually done it before, who can't temper the wonder of the unknown with the fire of experience.
At any rate, I feel like it is turning me into a conversational bore, someone who can only talk about one thing and who can't muster up any thought or interest in anything else. Being in the profession that I am, I deal with people like this all the time; the mild Aspergers sufferers and run of the mill geeks who gravitate to IT and lack the interest or the social graces to pretend politely to be interested in anything other than what they genuinely are interested in. I guess it's not so much that I don't have other interests as that I can't seem to be bothered sparing time to think about them lately. Between matters nautical and technical, I'm pretty much tapped out.
So in part to defend against being the single-minded bore I feel like I probably am, I've been almost actively hiding the trip and preparations from many friends and acquintances, and trying to avoid talking about it to those who don't pry pretty hard with questions of their own. I know that this is probably a little odd in itself, but at least it probably doesn't look as weird from the outside as it would if I went the other direction.
Still, I catch myself, and even worse, Mandy and myself, rattling on about one thing and one thing only at times, and this evening at dinner with Ed and Terry was one of those. I couldn't think of anything to talk about beyond work and trip. And not even so much work. Mandy was even worse, I think, since I had forbidden her from talking about work before we even got there.
My biggest worry is that by thinking about all of this so much right now, I'll be bored with it by the time we're actually ready to leave.
1 comment:
I know this post is a bit older and that I am, perhaps, more interested than most... but what you are setting out to do is something you have never done before and it is more interesting than many people could possibly imagine. Most people's interests do not range beyond the mall or their kids. Besides, I would rather hear you prattle on about your trip and the preparations for it than something else right now because I think your head really should be in it above anything else. By nature you are one to be prepared and to research... this just shows that you are doing what is in your nature--it is merely the scope of it that is a bit greater than anything else for the time being. And really, you give yourself too much credit... it's not like anything you talk about most of the time is all that interesting anyway. LOL!!! Seriously though... I am pretty stoked and inspired that you two are taking this trip and I am with you, if in spirit, every step of the way and through all phases. Cheers.
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